how do you measure your self-worth?
by your job? by your relationships? by your possessions? by your body? by your house? by your personality? by your beliefs? by where you’ve traveled? by your talents? by your community service?
i have become aware that i measure self-worth by what i do. what i do at work. what i do for other people. what i do at home. what i do with friends. the more i do, the more worthy i feel. my self-worth is worth it’s weight in do-ing.
i have become aware of how i measure self-worth by getting really, really sick. depression and anxiety broke into my life and turned everything upside-down. i couldn’t do the things that gave me a sense of value. i couldn’t work and ultimately quit my job. i couldn’t help around the house. i couldn’t socialize. i couldn’t even find my personality through the thick fog of mental illness. and worst of all, i felt that i couldn’t do anything about my not doing anything.
without the ability to measure my value, i began to feel worthless. i didn’t have anything to place on the scale of worthiness. all i had was me. hollow, frozen me. “what is the point of my life?” i would ask myself. “i have no value anymore.”
my family told me that they still loved me. that who i am is infinitely valuable. i wasn’t so sure, because who i was at that point in time wasn’t who i wanted to be. i wasn’t so sure that i could accept their acceptance.
i began i see how i am constantly measuring. weighing. defining my sense of self-worth. i have to be working and performing and attaining in order to let myself feel value. the absence of my ability to “do” showed me how i love myself so conditionally.
i want to stop measuring my self-worth. because self-worth doesn’t need to be measured. it just is.
i am traveling down a new path of compassionate and nonjudgmental self-acceptance. one where i carry my self of value regardless of the circumstances i encounter.
i have depression – i have value. i have anxiety – i have value. my life circumstances have changed – i have value. i can’t do everything – i have value. i feel fear – i have value. when doing nothing and simply being i have value.
how do you measure your self-worth? what if you didn’t measure it at all?